From 26 suitors to 20. The first picks of the Bachelorette Bracket season are a joyful adventure in guessing. (Remember the season I thought Kelsey the school counselor had potential? Yikes. I missed the mark there.)
Based on a few producer-selected answers to generic questions (“You have how many tattoos?”), I use my keen understanding of the Bachelor franchise and unrelenting optimism (“Of course they aren’t going to keep that drama-causing person around this year!”) to choose a winner before even knowing who will show up the first night in a cupcake car.
This year, some of our contestant highlights are:
- three guys who reference “The Notebook”
- someone whose occupation is “hipster” (no tattoos)
- the guy who keeps referring to himself as a “lambo” (occupation: male model)
- four guys who list “Dumb and Dumber” as a favorite movie
- six guys who list “The Gladiator” as a favorite movie
- two guys who want to impress Mark Cuban
- an “Erectile Dysfunction Expert” whose turn-offs include chipped nail polish…
- the person who answered “myself in ten years, alright, alright, alright” to the questions: person you would want to have lunch with, person you want to be for a day, and person you most admire (To be fair, he acknowledge his greatest achievement in his life is being hot.)
- a guy who doesn’t believe in gluten allergies (Sorry all you folks with celiac disease!)
I base my first-night bracket solely on the bios, not the picture. Use whatever methodology you’d like at thebachelorbracket.com (invite friends). I can’t quite talk the S.O. into joining, but I think I’ve got a shot at getting my brother involved this year. Maybe we need to put money on it!
Here are my super awesome cheat sheets in 8.5×11 and 11×17 format. It’s a quick reference sheet for those of us who can’t figure out which guy is saying that incredibly dumb/romantic/hilarious thing.